A Cursed Strength
by Hikarai
Summary: Character Study: Malik Ishtar. Most would view this as weakness, but he views this as strength. Please R&R Short drabble.


This was inspired by a few songs. It's a drabble....

Warnings: Angsty?

Disclaimer: Sadly I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh!/Duel Monsters.

~*~*~

It's cold, he shivered while he sweats. Flaxen blonde bangs clung to his wet forehead, a whimper was sounded as the figure pressed his carved back to the cool of the wall. Eyes the color of lavender, were wide and held a bit of fear...or was it pain? He couldn't distinguish as liquid formed there and trickled lightly down a bronzed cheek, making the black kohl there run. He could barely see his surroundings, not even a glimpse of light. It was happening...._again_, and like the time before...he doesn't have a hand to reach for. To pull him out of this twisted reality. His eyes widened more, he shoved two bronzed hands through his sweat dampened hair, pulling at it, keeping it within his grasp.

The pain felt good...it felt _real_ and that's what he needed right now. He let out another whimper, more like a choked sob really. The boy slammed the back of his head into the wall behind him a few times, the force of impact resonated through his head. Hot tears welled up within his lilac hues, they stung and prickled at the corners. No! He would _not_ think like this. This was _his_ life not theirs! Not his father's, not his beloved mother's, nor the rest of the lives he took. No, he shook his head violently, trying to quell _their_ shrieking. It was never _this_ bad before....Well it was. Only once though. He created another version of himself. All of his pain,sorrow, misguided hate manifested into another being. A being that stole his father's life, that caused his beloved sister and brother to fear _him_ and caused them pain. Just thinking about his other self, and how _he_ created such a...a _monster_ made himself sick! He himself killed _all_ of those people, caused all of their pain and suffering..and for what?

"Nothing." he spat bitterly, his hands shook at the sides of his head as they fisted his hair tighter.

He lived a fairly normal life, ever since the other him was banished. He'd even moved back to Domino with his sister and brother. Things were getting better....for awhile. Then he started getting those nightmares again, images of his father's death...and his life. They swirled around his mind in a chaotic tempest. Creating wave after wave of these...these _urges_. They would wash all over him, corroding his mind. Leaving nothing but raw, cruel hatred, for everything and everyone. This was a forever opened wound...constantly having salt trickle into it.

Bare chest was heaving, like he ran a mile, his body both cold and hot. He absolutely _loathed_ this feeling. It ate away at him. He did not want this..he _never_ wanted any of this. He rocked back and forth, chanting only one word. _No_. His fingers tangled deeper into his hair, scratching at his scalp. He squeezed his eyes shut as he shook his head again.

He wasn't weak. He was _not_ weak at all! In fact...quite the opposite. He's been dealing with this ever since the end of Battle City. Though they were _never_ quite this bad before. He hated when these urges overtook him. Like someone injected him in the skull with a burning liquid, that attached itself to every part of his mind and flowed to the rest of him. Burning him from the inside out, trying to take control.

Malik wouldn't let that happen. He'd just stay in his room, away from everyone else and wait it out. If this is what it takes so he wouldn't hurt his family again. Then so be it!

"This..is going to be a _loooong_ night." He ground out with a hysteric laugh. He could just feel it. Minutes felt like days..even weeks when this happened.

Malik Ishtar was indeed not weak. Nor was he emo.

No..nononono _No_, he was stronger than anyone he's ever met. _They_ didn't have to go through this, _they_ didn't have to fend off these _urges_ of his. _They_ probably wouldn't even survive. No, Malik Ishtar doubted they would. He barked out in laughter, bitter and manic.

He wasn't schizophrenic, crazy, or paranoid.

He wasn't weak, scared, or a crybaby.

He was Malik Ishtar. Forever and always. He smiled at that as he pulled out his switchblade and flipped it open. He kissed it.

This..the blade..would one day be his escape. Whether it was himself..or someone else.

But not yet...._not yet._

~*~*~

This was my attempt at a Character study. Reviews are greatly appreciated...Especially helpful ones!


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